Apathy Over 55

Apathy Over 55

Apathy Over 55

I’ve spent most of my life persuing creative outlets: Playing guitar in a band, programming computers, building e-commerce sites, analyzing computer security issues, restoring old pinball machines, dreaming up new ways of doing things….

I’ve had a great life. I’ve made quite a bit of money. Now, I’m coming up on 60 ( I’m 56 when I wrote this ) and am having great difficulty getting inspired.

I got married, then divorced, then lived alone for a few years away from family in Orlando, FL. While I did date quite a bit, and had some fun times, in the end I never did meet anyone that lasted. Maybe that’s due to older people being more fixed in their ways and the idiosyncrasies over shadow the ability to bend.

I reached a point where I was just “done”. I mean really “done”. I can remember it to the day: I was working on a 1949 William’s “De Icer” pinball machine. I was about 70% done with it and I just put down the screwdriver. That was that. I never touched it again – in fact I rarely went to my garage workspace after that except to do laundry or take out the garbage.

A couple of years later I decided to sell the house, and get rid of all my “stuff”. I mean really get rid of it. I took out ads on Craigslist and just gave everything away – my collection of ‘70s clock radios, some music equipment, about 5 TV sets, all my tools, my exercise equipment… I mean EVERYTHING… It was interesting watching people grabbing the stuff – I expected that so I only listed a few things at a time.

I decided to travel the country – or so I thought. I’d bought a new car. I’d been keeping my 1992 Toyota Pickup running for years – I loved it – but it wasn’t a good choice for touring. I reduced my belonging to what would fit in that new car which included some guitars, clothing, and my laptops but not much else.

I spent the next year bouncing around the East Coast. I’d never traveled much as I’m a bit of an introvert. I mostly let the day decide where I’d go. I had no real plan.

I spent a day in Savannah, then got fireworks at South of the Border, then visited family up North. Because this was where I grew up I spent a while lingering here. I still don’t feel like I’m a part of it – I haven’t bought a condo but did get a year’s lease on an apartment on the shore. That was nice, but no way would I live there.

I got to see a lot of bands but even that wasn’t how I remembered it. While the quantity of venues offering music increased ten fold from what I remember, the bars are still cheaping out and getting barely passable performers playing the same old tired ‘70s songs they played back in the ‘70s. The crowds… well, the dozen or so patrons sing along as if it’s mandatory..

I did see a few great acts in larger venues. I even saw Boy George and Culture Club – in 2018 of all things…

Now I’m 2 years into this “Odyssey”, but I still haven’t found anything to inspired me. This blog is about the most I’ve done. Well, that’s a lie of sorts.

I did do quite a bit of data analysis. I attempted to predict winners at the track by looking at ten years of data from other tracks. I would find a few things that appeared to stand out but these were just short term anomalies in the data. For the most part I felt the tracks simply took too much out of the pools to make this profitable. I go back to it from time to time.

I also did a study of baseball and tennis. Tennis was interesting – did you know the server wins the point 60% of the time? So, if you’re betting points just wait for the payout to be better than 67% ( -150 moneyline ) and you should do ok. I was betting ten cents a point but after 100 points it go tedious so I’d just push all in and lose.

I was looking forward to the 2020 baseball season. I’d seen some interesting trends that run through July. Unfortunately the Coronavirus put and end to that. Maybe next year.

I also did a bit of news analysis in terms of how it affects the stock market. Again, the COVID-19 crash interfered with that.

So… looking forward, since I’ve worked for myself most of my life, made good money, and can’t even consider getting a ‘job’, I’m back to figuring out new things to do… but I can tell you this much – I’ve lost most of the passion I had in my 20s, 30s, and 40s… I don’t have much interest in building a new “app”, or programming.

Often I find myself posting on Facebook, or Twitter, or reading the news looking for a spark.

It’ll come… it always does.


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